Must I Forgive More Than Once?

 

Blog By Barbara Latta Guest Post by Debbie Wilson

This week we are honored to hear from Debbie Wilson as she launches her new book, Big Hurt, Bigger God. The link to order is at the end of the post as well as Debbie's website where you can enjoy more inspiring articles. 

Please welcome Debbie!

Must I Forgive More Than Once?

A cartoon in the New Yorker magazine showed an exasperated father saying to his prodigal son, “This is the fourth time we’ve killed the fatted calf.” God does that over and over in our lifetime.

—Bruce Larson, Setting Men Free

At the beginning of my senior year of high school, my parents let me drive our carpool to school. This was our first parent-free commute. My neighbor climbed in the passenger side, and I set off to pick up the others.

As I turned the corner, my schoolbooks slid across the bench seat of our Oldsmobile into my friend. When I reached for them, I inadvertently turned into a parked car. Besides the humiliation of smashing my parents’ and a stranger’s cars before I’d even left my neighborhood, I banged my lip on the steering wheel.

Daddy called our family doctor to stitch it. My wound continued to ooze clear fluid for at least twenty-four hours. That weekend a swollen red lip accessorized the white tulle gown I wore to our senior ring dance.

Deep emotional wounds, like physical wounds, must be cleaned to heal properly. Forgiveness is God’s tool to clean our wounds.

A deep wound stings more than a surface scratch when tended. And an oozing wound, like my lip, requires repeated cleanings.

How often do we clean our wounds? As often as they weep.

Over and Over

In Big Hurt, Bigger God, I use the acronym FREEDOM to address the benefits and barriers to forgiveness. The O stands for “over and over.”

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” (Matt. 18:21–22 NLT)

Peter’s question probably referred to different offenses by the same person. I’m sure you’ve met people who repeatedly wrong others. Other wrongs, like some physical injuries, have consequences that require continued attention. I think Jesus’s words apply to both cases.

Some wrongs can be forgiven and forgotten; others we forgive, and before we realize it, pain and anger start to leak again. Some wrongs must be forgiven repeatedly.

Don’t beat yourself up if this happens. As with physical wounds, we clean our emotional wounds when they seep pain and anger. We do this by reaffirming our forgiveness. As we heal, the need to clean them comes less often.

Have you ever had a physical wound throb after it looked healed? One Christmas Eve I sliced my pinky finger while opening a can of peanuts. If we hadn’t had company, I’d have gone for stitches. For a full year my finger throbbed any time I knocked it.

Some emotional wounds ache after they look healed. A ping from the past or a chance meeting with someone associated with our injury thumps our wound. The throbbing hurts, but usually the pain doesn’t last long.

Wrongs that cause ongoing consequences may also require repeated cleansing. This happened to some homeowners after they moved into their new house. Subcontractors showed up asking the homeowners to pay them because the builder hadn’t paid them. In addition, the builder never compensated the owners for the kitchen cabinets, appliances, and other expenses they’d bought with the expectation of being reimbursed.

Every time the owners hired someone to fix one of the builder’s messes, they had to forgive again.

A spouse’s betrayal, ongoing medical issues and bills from a drunk driver, and the loss of relationships from a coworker’s slander impact us long after the incidents. The Christmas tree ornaments that once brought a smile now remind us of what we’ve lost. The photo album stays packed away. Some wounds take time to heal.

Forgiveness Versus Healing

While we can’t heal our physical wounds, we can support the healing process with good nutrition and hygiene. A healthy body heals wounds. But wounds heal at different rates. Some heal quickly and never bother us again. Others flare up under stress and weather changes. Still others leave scars to remind us of our battles. Jesus and the Apostle Paul wore their scars as badges of honor (Luke 24:39; Gal. 6:17).

The same applies to emotional wounds. God heals our wounds, but we’re responsible to practice sound emotional and spiritual hygiene and nutrition. We keep our wounds clean by reaffirming our forgiveness. We nurture our souls with biblical promises. How often do we repeat this? As often as bitter thoughts and painful emotions resurface.

When a memory or person punches our wound, we turn the offender and incident over to God. As often as the wound throbs, we claim God’s promise to use this wrong for our eternal good.

Forgiving over and over isn’t a sign of failure but evidence that God is still healing us. With time and perseverance, our scars transform from jagged reminders of pain into trophies of God’s grace. (click to share on X)

 

Strength Finder

“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death. (Ps. 107:19–20 NLT)

●       Have you ever experienced a physical wound that ached long after it looked healed?

●       What do you think of the concept of affirming your forgiveness of the offense or forgiving again when a new aspect of pain surfaces?

●       How do you nurture yourself with God’s Word? Have you established a routine?

●       Do you have some trusted friends to support you and keep you grounded? If not, ask God to help you build relationships with emotionally and spiritually healthy friends. We clean our wounds by forgiving. Then we trust God to heal us as we walk with him.

Adapted from Big Hurt, Bigger God 

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank you for continually cleansing me from all sin (1 John 1:7). As a recipient of your grace, I extend forgiveness to _______ for _____. I release them into your capable hands. Thank you for continuing your healing work in my life.

Join the conversation and share your thoughts. 

Debbie W. Wilson is an award-winning author, Bible teacher, and former Christian counselor who enjoys helping women discover just how big their God is. Through biblical insight, practical wisdom, and encouragement, she inspires readers to grow in faith and find hope for real-life challenges.

Debbie and her husband, Larry, co-founded Lighthouse Ministries, a biblical counseling and Bible teaching ministry. Her latest book, Big Hurt, Bigger God: Finding Freedom Through Biblical Forgiveness, was named the Golden Scroll 2026 Book of the Year. Connect with Debbie and discover her free resources at debbieWwilson.com.