by Barbara Latta
and form new churches.
And in other cases, offenses happen in the assembly and
members are hurt by each other.
But this is not the way God intended our worship to be.
He is the God of unity. The problem is our flesh gets in the
way.
There are solutions and God’s Word is the remedy. Jesus
formed the church to be His body on the earth. But He knew He was leaving the
administration of worship in the hands of people who would fail from time to
time.
What can you do if you’ve been hurt by the church?
- Don’t blame God for what other people do or say. While we as Christians are supposed to love and support each other, we are still frail human beings who make mistakes. If something happened that hurt you, it wasn’t God’s fault. People make choices and sometimes those choices are wrong. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone (James 1:13 NKJV).
- Take the issue to God in prayer. Put the hurt aside and listen to His voice. Search the scriptures for direction. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him (James 1:5).
- Don’t stop attending church. Once you leave a fellowship, it is difficult to get yourself to start back, especially if you feel you will face a person or situation that caused you pain. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25).
- Realize whatever offended you may have been misinterpreted. Think about the perceived hurt and find out if what was said or done was real. But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ (Romans 14:10 NKJV).
- Don’t give in to gossip. Accusations and backbiting only hurt God’s image. The world is looking at us and if all they see are people who act like they do, why should they bother listening to us? If you need someone to talk to, make sure it is a mature believer who will keep things in confidence. It isn’t necessary for hurts to become a group project. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3). Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! (James 3:5).
- If reconciliation is not possible, forgive and move on. Church is not a place for arguments and strife. For a peaceful life, finding another church may be the best solution. Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do (Colossians 3:13).
Church members also have a responsibility to keep peace
among the flock.
We can:
- Continue in truth but speak the truth in love. We don’t need to change the message of the gospel to gain approval. But speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ (Ephesians 4:15).
- Examine ourselves to see if we have said or done something that can be interpreted the wrong way. If so, we should go to the person and ask forgiveness and find out if there is a way to make amends. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith (Galatians 6:10).
- Come along side new converts and immature believers and disciple them in the Word. And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also (2 Timothy 2:2).
The devil thrives on strife. If he can get a foothold in a
church body, the focus is taken off Christ and placed on our own selves. We can
be the image Christ calls us to be when we continue to feed on His Word and
resist the temptation to allow offenses to grow.
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a
holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him
who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light (2 Peter 2:9).
What advice can you add to help those who have been hurt?
What to do if you have been hurt by the church (click totweet)
"Forgive and move on." Great counsel and sadly, it's best for all involved. I appreciate your recognition that we are all human; and sometimes our spiritual maturity isn't strong enough to overcome the emotions and continuing to fight to make the situation better only results in hurting the church more. In those cases, forgive yourself and others, then ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to a church family that can help you to grow in your faith. Remember the end game is to grow in Christ and lead your family; not paste false smiles and internalize negative feelings for the sake of false unity. God's blessings Ms. Barb. Are you sure you're not still in GA ma'am? :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts, J.D. and for encouraging us to remember that our end goal is to grow in Christ. Blessings!
DeleteGoing through the process of a church being torn apart by strife and jealousy was one of the hardest experiences of my life. Your advice in how to handle this situation is right on target. We must remember that we are children of God and always filter everything through the lens of Christ's love for us. How can we reflect His presence in our lives when going through this painful process? That and the strategies you suggest got me through. Thank you for sharing this meaningful message.
ReplyDeleteKatherine, I am sorry for the hard times you experienced. You are right in that in our response to these times we must depend upon Christ's love. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!
DeleteSuch a needed message...and I would also add, stand against the enemy. He is the one who is attempting to divide. He is the true enemy. We have been through hard things in our church. But looking hard at what is needed like humility, communication, and grace will go a long way toward healing.
ReplyDeleteYes, Jeanne, thanks for adding that we must stand against the enemy as he is the creator of division. As we wear our spiritual armor, we will be ready to stand in that humility and grace. Blessings!
DeleteGreat encouragement, Barb! This happens more than we know. Sound advice in troubling times! Certainly helped me! Seeing others through Christ's eyes is soooo important!
ReplyDeleteHey Patricia, yes looking through Christ's eyes is the solution. Thanks for sharing. It's good to hear from you. Blessings!
DeleteThanks Barb. Conflict within the church is a really hard topic. You gave some great suggestions. Especially difficult and imperative, Don't give in to gossip. Thanks for addressing a tough reality.
ReplyDeleteSylvia, it's sad that this needs to be addressed. But yes we do make mistakes but we should always be looking to God for the answer before we speak or act. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!
DeleteI think we forget that Paul warned about the wolves that would come into the church. Then we have carnal sheep. Paul said there would be disagreements to show who walked in the light. But as you said, we need to guard our hearts against bitterness and keep our behavior pure.
ReplyDeleteYes, Debbie, I think we do forget about those wolves out there. Satan uses every scheme he can to bring strife but as you said when we walk in the light the darkness is exposed. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!
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